false alarm. still invincible.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
