Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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