Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
