hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
