There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
