Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
