I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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