I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
