if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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