she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
