got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
