I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
just tell him i said nine months
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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