Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
