Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
