Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize