What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
