You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
