Where are you?
In a non slutty way
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
