hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
