I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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