some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
