Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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