I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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