similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
