My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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