My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
