you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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