thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
