dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
