"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
