I'm really into asian looking animals
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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