so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
