Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
