do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
