she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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