So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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