did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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