I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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