remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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