You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
