I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
