how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
