The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
