He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
