It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
