my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I love you. Go after that dick
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
