i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Randomize
