I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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