you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
