I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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