i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
