I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
