bring money and cleavage
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
