I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
